Komal's Diary

 August 2020: I had moved back to America and started my new job at the end of August 2020. Mahdee and I were still texting everyday. Although we weren't together we still missed each other. I knew that continuing to text everyday wasn't the best idea but, it was difficult to break a habit that was two and a half years in the making.  September to December 2020: Having this time apart from Mahdee gave me an opportunity to fully open my eyes and think back to how our relationship was not a "typical" relationship. Around this time, it was quite apparent that Mahdee wished that the relationship didn't end. He started showering me with amazing words and said how he still thought about me everyday. This is where nothing made sense to me, I needed him to say all of these sweet things to me while we were still together, what was the point of saying all of these things now? I didn't understand it, and this is where I sort of resented Mahdee and became petty. I started...

 January 2020 cont.: Mahdee said what he needed to. He broke up with me. My eyes were filled with tears as I gathered his things that were in my room and gave them to him and he left. Everything just felt like a blur. It didn't hit me until he left, I looked out the window of my apartment and Glasgow suddenly looked so foreign to me. After two hours of just laying on my bed crying, I did something that I still regret to this day. I texted Mahdee saying that I couldn't bear to live in Glasgow without him. Still to this day, I am so angry at this version of myself, I was so weak at that time and Mahdee was my weakness. He texted me back saying that he couldn't bear seeing me in the distraught state that he left me in and that we would work through this and just like that we were back together. I can't help but to think what would have happened if I never texted Mahdee that night. I highly doubt that he would have texted me saying that he wanted to get back together and th...

November 2019: By the time November 2019 came, I could feel Mahdee getting more and more distant. Despite me telling him that my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving was coming up, he chose not to spend it with me. This one might not seem like a huge deal, but to me at the time, it was really disheartening because he simply did not care. Some things shouldn't have to be said, they should just be understood, especially when you’ve been in a relationship for a while. He picked up soccer as another activity to do during the week without me, which meant it would be impossible for me to even ask him to sometimes spend another day with me when I really really wanted him to. He started leaving early to go home, even on the two days that we had agreed to spend together. He would also show up late on the two days that we had agreed to spend time together. He barley did anything to make me feel special. I always had to initiate that fact that we should go on a date or go to a new place. He barely...

August 2019 : By this time my masters classes were going great and I was in a great place mentally. I made some amazing new friends and did some traveling around Europe during this time. Even though I really wanted Mahdee to join me on these trips, he was usually busy with work and his sports classes, which was unfortunate. However, my birthday was approaching towards the end of August and with a little push from myself, I was able to convince Mahdee to go on a couples trip with me to England. I remember being so excited to celebrate my birthday with Mahdee since in 2018, I wasn't able to celebrate my birthday with him.  September 2019- December 2019: This is where things start to get a little shaky. Up until this point, I was blindly in love with Mahdee and honestly it was great. Like any other relationship, our relationship wasn't perfect, we still had some arguments along the way but we would always forgive and forget and moved on quickly from them, we never held grudges a...

 February 2019: Love. It just happens. You can't really stop it from happening, it just happens. I wasn't expecting to fall in love when I first moved to Glasgow, it just happened. But Mahdee became my everything at this point, he was the reason I am alive today, something I never told him. I will forever be grateful to him because of that. At this point I remember that I wanted to take care of Mahdee forever, I just wanted to be with him all the time.  When I moved back to Glasgow in 2019, our relationship had escalated. I looked forward to making things special for him, whether it would be for his birthday in February or convincing him to take road trips together to new places, outside of Glasgow. We went on our first overnight trip for valentines day weekend and went on many other adventures in the parks all around Glasgow. Everything just flowed with him, it was easy with Mahdee, I felt comfortable with him, I felt at home with him. Our communication with each other w...

August 2018- January 2019: I moved back home temporarily to wait for my new student visa to process. During this time my relationship with my older sister completely fell through. We weren't ever that close growing up but when I needed someone to talk to, especially during this time, she was not present and was focused on other things. My relationship with my mom also was very rocky at this time since she was only focused on my older sister as well. We were always a very tight knit family but outside forces put a damper on our relationships with each other. I felt extremely abandoned and alone. It was the lowest time of my life. I was depressed and sad and in a horrible state of mind. Mahdee was the one and only person who saved me during this time. Although we had a time difference of five hours, we texted each other during most of the day. He would keep me updated about what he was doing and I would tell him about my day. He was the only person  at the time that actually cared ab...

May 2018 to July 2018: Sometime after that fairytale night in early May, Mahdee had officially asked me to be his girlfriend, I of course said yes and we spent so much time together, going to new restaurants and exploring Glasgow in a way that even Mahdee hadn't ever seen. During this time, I had work placements at a hospital as apart of my masters course and Mahdee continued working and would spend time with me after work and during the weekends.  At this time we had not told anyone that we were dating. Although, at the time it was not a big deal for me personally, later on in our relationship it did get frustrating at times having to hide our affection towards one another in group settings. I remember Mahdee telling me that he had a friend that was in a relationship for over two years and that him and his girlfriend didn't even hold hands in public and walked on separate sidewalks too. I remember thinking how I never wanted to be that type of couple, I didn't want to hide...

 The following posts will be written from Beecee's perspective, in first person Early April 2018 : I was sitting in my campus prayer room when I came across another female student. I expressed to her that I really wanted to get involved in the Glaswegian community and asked her if she knew any information. She said that she knew of many different Islamic charity organizations that some of her friends were apart of. She gave my contact information to one of the charity organizers and I was added to the charity WhatsApp group the following day. I signed up for the charity meeting that was being held the next week. I took the train from Glasgow's central train station and got off near the area where the charity office was located. The office was located in an area with a large desi community, something I was definitely not used to. I entered the office and went upstairs, as instructed. The charity's organizer greeted me and we waited for more people to arrive. There were about...

 March 2018 : The first month of Beecee's Glasgow experience was filled with trying to get into a proper routine for her masters classes, everything seemed to be going well, the professors and her classmates were great. Her roommates were friendly and quickly became family. Momo, a girl from Somalia , who lived in Bahrain and Zee, a Pakistani girl from Saudi Arabia, in particular were the first ever girls that Beecee felt at home with. Dinner time became a ritual with the three of them, it was when they shared their family stories, their studying abroad stories and their Glasgow experience so far. Every night consisted of watching the people go by in the big windows that surrounded the kitchen and living area, cry laughing until their stomachs hurt and sharing their most vulnerable stories with each other. It was a time where Beecee truly felt happy and content with her life.  Student life was great, Beecee really enjoyed living on her own, finally having the independence that...